April 21 , 2016
Hi, it’s Niki.
Always say meow instead of hello.
The best things in the world are felines, chocolates, mermaids and beaches.
“If I had an empty head, as some folks say I do,
I’d sweep out all the cobwebs and rent it out to you,
And have you fill it up with all the things you say and do,
Then I’d offer twice the price, and rent it back from you.”
You’ve been texting. He’s cute, she’s funny, there’s a little bit of flirting, you hearted him, he hearted you, it’s all good in the hood. Now you want to get down to a little bit of the dirty flirty – sexting – and you’re not entirely sure how to broach it without coming of as a total douchecanoe. Some of you may be smoother than a silver unicorn’s tail at the art of text-seduction, but there are others who might need a little push on the how-to’s and to-do’s of written kink.
When should you start?
Obviously not right away, but there’s no defined timeframe for when to begin, and not unlike flirting, the same rules apply to sexting – testing the waters to see where you stand. Plus, it’s over the delicate veil of technology, so really, you have to seduce the mind first. It’s online dating; you know they’re already into you and not looking for a penpal.
What should you say?
Always important for online dating – irregardless of sexting or not – never say anything you wouldn’t in real life. A big no no is exploiting the benefit of the fibre optics to appear as you aren’t. You’re gonna meet this person and you don’t want to give off a self delusional supremacy. Also, a big yes yes to the little colon and bracket. Winks are the best, – playful, flirty and let the person know you’re light about what you said.
Start off basic, things like, “I just got out of the shower” – ladies and good men, this line totally gets the mind racing. What? Shower? Are they naked? What do they look like? Should I ask? Are there beads of water on his body? Is her hair all sexy and wet? Oh hot damn.
When things get a little more comfortable, try, “What are you wearing?” You know, from behind the pixels of your screen, this can be totally innocent. Be honest in your response – “Jeans, white t-shirt, pink bra”. Nonchalance is key. And with their answer, you’ll know how far they are along on the sext train.
Try this – “I’m heading out with friends, should I wear this little black number or this one shoulder and jeans?” You need to create visuals, use adjectives and description -start with clothes, always a safe bet – first, it makes them think you like them enough to involve them in your decision, second, you might find out what they like on you. “I think you’ll look killer in the black dress, maybe wear it with me sometime?” Again, he imagining you in something he picked will get his hormones racing.
Graduate from clothes, use words that have sexual connotations – “I’m eating chocolate covered strawberries” or “whipped cream”; “I’m watching basic instinct in bed”. Use words like, wet, drenched, tongue, thighs, juice, sexy, coming, dripping, lips, red, creamy. Casually slip them in. Create sexual innuendos, double entendres. Use your imagination! You’re not a sexting aficionado, its okay to be cliché. Your e-kink capabilities are only as limited as your vocabulary. Tell them you think they’re sexy, casually. That’s a sure shot stepping stone to sexting, establishing that you already find them sexually attractive along with loving their hobbies on their profile.
EMOJIS ARE THE BEST. Now if you’re really shy and just can’t initiate the whole forming sexy sentences thing, try using the little funny yellow men to fool around. Kissy lips, love hearts, cacti – the unwritten symbol for sexual arousal. If she doesn’t know what it means, tell her.
With a little tease, a bold sentence or an emoji, you will be able to gauge their sexual wavelength and whether they’re ready for a little online foreplay. After this initiation, the world is your oyster. Be bold, be shy, – coyness is underrated. Do not delude yourself into thinking you can’t do it, or you’re not sure how they’ll respond, go for it! They would want you to. Really.
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