June 14 , 2016
Avani is founder of LoveDoctor.in where she and other professional counselors connect to answer questions about relationships, love and sexual health.
Girls, we talk a lot about what the guys are doing wrong when they are on TrulyMadly, but in this post I am going to tell you what they say about you!
I know, I know, you don’t think that you are doing anything wrong. But you may have noticed that you get a lot more matches on any dating app than your guy friends – why is that? Well, it seems the men are more adventurous and don’t have the same hang ups about “dating” as you do. So because there’s so many of them I get to hear about their experiences on the app just as much as I hear about yours.
The biggest complaint that men make about women on dating sites: YOU TREAT GETTING TO KNOW THEM LIKE YOU ARE CONDUCTING A JOB INTERVIEW! You ask 200 questions to make sure they are right for you, and they feel like you’re more interested in a guarantee of job performance rather than getting to know who they really are.
Men tell me that they feel overwhelmingly like all you care about is checking boxes. (don’t we as women want to be seen for all our qualities and not just a select few like our beauty or bubbliness? Hmm…)
I hear you when you say you have to ask those questions and be really careful because you want to be safe. You don’t want to waste your time with someone not on the same page as you. But imagine you are in the same shoes as the guy you are asking so many questions to. How would that feel, to be reduced to a set of criteria instead of the glowing, wonderful, multifaceted woman that you are? Well, that’s how the guys feel.
What we all want in dating is that the person we are getting to know sees us – all of us. This includes even our faults and our defects, yet still understands our beauty and awesomeness. And no one wants this more than women. We dream of a date that will be okay with how goofy we are, how we don’t always look like a princess, and how we sometimes have a bad temper.
So why can’t we do this for men? We could not be so critical and businesslike when we get to know them and allow them to just be themselves, warts and all. After all, people are imperfect, and the dating game makes us highly aware of those imperfections – our date’s and our own.
Here is what I want you to try for better conversations and better dates: Instead of a list of questions that does on and on, and a huge set of qualities that a man must possess to get your time – choose no more than three things that you will absolutely not tolerate.
These are things that you cannot adjust to under any circumstances. Other than these three things – be as open you can to the men that cross your paths, and those you meet on the app. They may not chat perfectly and say all the right things, but odds are you are missing out on some really great men by treating them like future employees instead of future dates.
When you allow men to show you their true colors without an interview, or an agenda, you just might find someone that you like and have more fun in the process. Now, go out and have fun!
Keep Loving –
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