Avani is Truly Madly’s #DateDoctor and founder of LoveDoctor.in where she and other professional counselors connect to answer questions about relationships, love, and sexual health.
Have any dating and relationship-related questions for her? Drop-in a message on the TrulyMadly Facebook page
So, the #DateDoctor has been getting a lot of questions about exactly how to start a conversation in real life.
It seems all of you wanting to #UnSingle is cool when on the app and talking to that potential partner but not so much when you finally get to know them personally via dates/virtual dates.
Before we even start talking about conversation, I want to address body language.
Use great eye contact effectively, sit up straight and smile warmly. When you do these things, your crush will feel as though you’re focused on them, and it will feel really good!
Watch the way they use their body. If they make eye contact with you, lightly touch your arm or lean in towards you while you’re talking, then you can feel confident that they are into you.
Don’t cross your arms, tap your feet, or look bored in general. All these tics are signs that you’re bored or dissatisfied with them, and they may feel bad.
If they are constantly looking away, fiddling with something, or looking like they can’t wait to escape, then you may be losing their interest and stop whatever you are doing and focus more on them.
And the BIGGEST TIP: Put away your damn phone. It’s rude, and it takes the focus off of the conversation and the connection. Put it away, and make a no-phone rule.
Keep these in mind, and then use these tips to get the conversation flowing:
Ask questions, but don’t make it into an interview!
People love to talk about themselves. If you find out what they are passionate about, the conversation will go naturally and easily. This is the easiest way to build a connection.
You want to show them that you’re interested while at the same time deciding whether they’re worth your interest.
A great question will make them think, laugh, and like you, all at the same time.
Avoid “yes” and “no” questions. A question like, “Did you like the new movie that came out this weekend?” will get you either a “yes” or a “no” but may not launch a meaningful conversation. Instead, ask them what other movies they’ve seen and why they like them. This type of question will get a much longer answer.
Instead of waiting for them to ask you questions, be proactive and do the asking first. Once they’ve answered your question, nod and then provide your perspective.
You want a balanced conversation in which you find out what they are all about while also sharing parts of yourself.
Find out what they are passionate about. If you like this person, then chances are you find something about them fascinating.
Ask them why they like what she likes, or why they think what they think. Ask them something that you genuinely want to learn more about instead of asking questions to get them to talk.
If you’re insincere, they will know, and your conversation will be dead.
Now go practice these skills!
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